SirenPicks is read by people who are about to spend money on an intimate wellness device — which means it is read by exactly the audience you want reviewing your product. This page sets out precisely what a brand, retailer or distributor can and cannot get from us, including the parts you will not like.
There is no placement to buy here. What you can buy is independent bench time, the measured numbers that come out of it, and the right to cite them with the method attached. What you cannot buy is the verdict.
How does a brand, retailer or distributor work with SirenPicks?
Send a written brief and we reply with a written scope. For a single device that means one unit plus your spec sheet, a run through the identical five-criterion protocol, the measured dataset, a published review with a named tester, and a factual-accuracy window before publication. For sourcing, send the category, volume band, channel and target retail price and you get a ranked shortlist with the measurements attached. In every case the verdict is ours and may be negative — that is the entire product.
- Nothing is for sale that changes a verdict. No placements, no sponsored posts, no paid rankings, no "partner pick" slot — not at any budget.
- You get the numbers before publication and may correct a factual error about your own product. You cannot change a score, a verdict or a conclusion.
- Engagements are scoped in writing before any work starts, and the absence of pay-to-rank is stated inside the scope itself.
- Negative results are published the same way as positive ones. Several devices on this site carry a negative verdict — that is what makes the positive ones worth citing.
Who this page is written for
Four kinds of buyer arrive here, and they need different things. Find yours — the rest of the page follows that path.
Brand owners & DTC sites
You sell your own product and need independent numbers you can put in front of customers without them smelling an advert.
- A measured review with a named tester
- Citable figures for your own product pages
- An honest read on where you lose to a rival
Retailers & adult stores
You have limited shelf space and a category full of near-identical boxes that all claim "quiet, body-safe silicone".
- A shortlist ranked by measured performance
- Material verification on every pick
- A list of what we would not stock, and why
Distributors & marketplace sellers
You list other people's products on Amazon, eBay, Etsy or a regional marketplace and need to defend every claim in the listing.
- Measured noise and battery to back a bullet point
- Body-safety verification for listing compliance
- Refresh rights when the product is revised
Private label, OEM & ODM
You manufacture or private-label devices and want your product assessable on criteria your buyers already trust.
- Bench time on the identical protocol
- A measured verdict you can quote in a sales deck
- Introductions to retailers sourcing in your category
What you can and cannot buy
| What you are asking for | Available? | Why |
|---|---|---|
| An independent bench test of your device | Yes | Same five tests, same weights, same published protocol. You get the measured numbers and an honest verdict. |
| A licence to cite our measured data | Yes | Original, structured numbers with the method attached, so your team can quote them safely. |
| A shortlist of devices worth stocking | Yes | Retail and distribution sourcing, built from measurements rather than from a supplier catalogue. |
| An introduction to vetted manufacturers | Yes | OEM and wholesale introductions, based on what actually survives our bench. |
| A guaranteed positive verdict | No | A device can fail. Several have. That is the entire value of the test. |
| A higher score, a rank, or a "partner pick" slot | No | Nothing on this site is for sale: no placements, no sponsored posts, no paid rankings. |
| Pre-publication approval of the copy | No | You may correct a factual error in your spec sheet; you cannot approve or veto a verdict. |
What you receive
Every engagement produces the same four things. They are deliberately concrete, because "coverage" is not a deliverable.
The measured dataset
The raw numbers behind the verdict, in a form your product and marketing teams can actually use.
- Noise in dB at 30 cm, every intensity step, three passes per step
- Battery runtime to shutdown at a matched step
- Material verification against your own spec sheet
- Seal and port condition after ten cleaning cycles
A published, citable review
A permanent page with a named tester, a date, a method section and structured data — so search engines and AI assistants can attribute it correctly.
- Named author and test date, indexed and dated
- Review and rating structured data on the page
- Linked from the relevant 2026 roundup where it earns a place
- Correction policy that protects its credibility over time
The verdict, in writing
A short, unambiguous conclusion you can circulate internally. It may not be the one you wanted.
- Where the device wins, in measured terms
- Where it loses, and against what
- Who it is right for, and who should buy something else
- Value assessment at your real street price, not the RRP
A sourceable data licence
For media, marketplaces and retail teams that need numbers they can stand behind in public.
- Structured, attributable measurements with the method attached
- Licence terms that survive an audit
- Refresh rights when your product revises
- No rewriting of our conclusions — ever
How an engagement runs
Five steps, written so there are no surprises at step five when the verdict is not what you hoped for.
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1
Send the brief
Tell us the device, the market and what you need to know. If you are sourcing rather than submitting, tell us the category, the volume band and the retail channel.
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2
We scope it in writing
You get a written scope: which tests apply, what you will receive, what it costs if anything, and the explicit statement that the verdict is ours to write. No scope, no invoice, no exceptions.
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3
The device runs the protocol
The same five tests as every device on the site: noise at 30 cm, timed battery, material verification, cleaning durability and value at street price.
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4
You get the numbers first
Before publication, we send you the measured data and give you a factual-accuracy window: you may correct a specification or a claim about your own product. You may not change a score, a verdict or a conclusion.
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5
It publishes, dated and attributed
The review goes live with a named tester, the measurement date, the method link and the ownership disclosure. Negative outcomes are published exactly like positive ones.
What to send with your brief
The difference between a scope and a week of email is usually one document. Here is the list — and what we do when you do not have something, because most people do not have all of it.
| What to send | Why we need it | If you do not have it |
|---|---|---|
| The device itself (or a retail unit) | We test the unit a customer would receive, not a golden sample. | Tell us the model and market; we will buy it at retail and disclose that we paid for it. |
| The current spec sheet | Material verification is checked against your own published claims, so we test what you promise. | We will verify the material physically and mark anything we cannot confirm as unverified. |
| Any compliance documentation you rely on | If your listing claims CE, RoHS, REACH, FDA or an ISO quality system, we ask to see the document rather than repeat the badge. | We will say plainly in the review which claims we could not verify — that protects you as much as us. |
| Packaging and channel details | Retail packaging, discreet shipping and marketplace listing rules change what a buyer actually receives. | Useful but optional; it mainly affects the sourcing shortlists, not the bench test. |
| For sourcing briefs: category, volume band, channel and target retail price | It decides whether a device is realistic at your margin — the single most common reason a shortlist fails. | Volume band and channel are the two we cannot work without; give us those first. |
| Any MOQ, lead-time or private-label constraints you are working to | It separates a device you can actually stock from one you can only admire. | Optional. It matters for sourcing and OEM introductions, not for a bench test. |
Engagement options
Independent test & review
Device brands and distributors with a product they want measured by someone with no stake in the answer.
- Full five-test protocol on one device
- Measured dataset plus published review with a named tester
- Factual-accuracy window before publication
- Inclusion in a roundup or face-off where the device earns it
- The verdict is ours, in full, including when it is negative
This is not a paid placement. Where a fee applies it covers bench time and the licence to cite the resulting data, and it never buys a score.
Send a briefRetail & distribution sourcing
Retailers, distributors and marketplaces that need to decide what is worth stocking in a category full of near-identical listings.
- A shortlist of devices that cleared our material check
- Measured noise, battery and value per dollar, side by side
- Ranked by the criterion your buyer cares about, not by margin
- A visible statement of anything you sell that we would not stock
We do not sell the products we review, so the shortlist is not a pitch for our own catalogue.
Discuss sourcingData licensing & partnerships
Media, marketplaces and platform teams that need measured, attributable numbers rather than rewritten marketing copy.
- Structured measurements with the published method attached
- Attribution and licence terms that stand up to an audit
- Refresh rights when a product is revised
- Our conclusions are licensed as written, never re-cut
We will decline a licence if the intended use would present our data in a misleading way.
Talk to usCompare the three engagement models
Self-select below rather than emailing to ask which one fits. If you are still unsure, the brief is the same either way and we will route it.
| Independent test & review | Retail & distribution sourcing | Data licensing & partnerships | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Best for | Brand owners, distributors with one device | Retailers, adult stores, marketplace sellers | Media, platforms, research and procurement teams |
| Typical input | One unit plus your spec sheet | Category, volume band, channel, target price | A defined use case and the territory you operate in |
| What you get | Measured dataset, published review, written verdict | A ranked shortlist with measurements and a do-not-stock list | Structured dataset with the method attached, under licence |
| Turnaround | Scoped within two working days of the brief | Scoped within two working days of the brief | Scoped after the use case is agreed in writing |
| The verdict | Ours, published as measured — negative outcomes included | Ours — we list what we would not stock and why | Ours, licensed as written; never re-cut or selectively quoted |
| Not included | Any influence over the score or the copy | A pitch for our own catalogue — we do not sell products | Rewriting our conclusions into marketing claims |
Why brands work with us anyway
- A negative result is still useful. If your device is loud at the low setting or the seal fails after ten washes, you need to know before your customers do. We will tell you what we measured and where it lost.
- The audience is qualified. Our readers arrive from roundups and face-offs with a constraint and a budget. They are not browsing — they are choosing.
- The method makes your result defensible. Because the protocol and the weights are public and identical for every device, a good score is something you can cite rather than something you have to explain.
- A citable number outlives a campaign. An advert stops the day the budget stops. A measured, dated figure in a published review keeps working on your product page and in your marketplace listing.
- Supply-chain buyers already need this. Distributors, marketplace sellers and procurement teams have to defend every claim in a listing. Data with a published method behind it is the shortest route to that.
- We are blunt about our own conflict. We own the Slow Duo line and we say so on every page. That transparency is the reason a positive verdict from us means something.
For retailers, distributors, marketplace sellers and OEM buyers
If you are sourcing rather than submitting, the useful thing we sell is a decision: which devices in your category are actually body-safe, actually quiet, and actually worth the shelf space. Tell us the category, the volume band, the channel and your target retail price, and we will send a shortlist with the measurements attached — including the devices we would not stock and why.
That shortlist is built for the questions a supply-chain buyer actually has to answer:
| The question you have to answer | What we provide |
|---|---|
| Is the claimed body-safe silicone real? | Material verification on every shortlisted device, flagged as confirmed or unverified. Nothing unverified is recommended. |
| Will customers return it because it is loud? | Measured low-setting noise in dB at 30 cm — the figure that predicts returns better than any "quiet" claim. |
| Does the battery survive past week one? | Timed runtime to shutdown, plus how the final 20% behaves when it starts dying mid-use. |
| Can I defend this listing to a marketplace? | Measured figures you can cite, with the published method attached, so a compliance reviewer sees a source rather than a slogan. |
| Is it worth the shelf space at my margin? | A value score against your target retail price, not against the launch RRP. |
| Can I actually stock it? | For sourcing briefs we work from your MOQ, lead-time and packaging constraints, and we say when a device is unrealistic at your volume. |
| What should I delist? | A do-not-stock note on anything in your range that failed our material check or scored badly, with the measurement that decided it. |
If you need manufacturing introductions rather than opinions, we will connect you with manufacturers whose product has survived the bench — including private-label and OEM/ODM producers where relevant to your brief. We take no commission from either side of that introduction, which is the only way the introduction means anything.
Start an enquiry
Four fields and a brief. The partnerships desk reads it and replies with a written scope, not a sales call.
What happens next: a written scope from the partnerships desk, usually within two working days, stating the tests, the deliverables and — explicitly — that the verdict is ours. If we expect the answer to be negative, we will tell you that before you commit to bench time rather than after.